Do aliens like coffee? Of course they do. It’s the most awesome hot beverage in the galaxy, after all. And we believe extra-terrestrials are visiting Earth to trade for it, and we can prove it. We even have pictures! All those UFO sightings are really aliens coming here to shop for coffee.
As I’ve written previously, UFO’s are just aliens looking for coffee. Consider the following syllogism based on known facts:
- Premise one: Coffee is the most awesome beverage in the galaxy.
- Premise two: All intelligent beings love coffee.
- Inescapable conclusion: Therefore aliens love coffee.
Premise one and two are simple facts that all rational people will freely admit. Considering these facts together, the chain of logic is irrefutable and therefore the conclusion we arrive at is unavoidable. UFOs must be aliens looking for coffee. It’s only logical!
I challenge anyone to refute the soundness of this logic. We all know coffee is the most popular drink in the world, for good reason. It’s awesome. All smart people know this, and any alien capable of traversing inter-stellar space to get here must also be highly intelligent. They know how to build spaceships, after all. Therefore, they must be here for the coffee.
Here’s more photographic evidence:
They come in peace
The good news is we can be pretty confident that their intentions are peaceful. How can we be so sure? Well, it’s simple. To put it in a nutshell, buying a cup of coffee is going to be much cheaper than an inter-stellar war.
Think about it: An inter-planetary war is going to be pretty expensive. It cost the western alliance 4 trillion dollars just to invade Iraq, a small country on our own planet just a few thousand miles away. If it costs that much just to invade a country a short distance away, think how much an inter-planetary war would cost!
Buying coffee is cheaper than inter-planetary invasions
It would be much cheaper to just buy the coffee from us. If I can do the math, I’m pretty sure an intelligent visitor from space can also do the math. They’re not stupid. Also, they wouldn’t want to risk ruining the Earth’s climate, which is perfect for growing coffee. Inter-planetary war is sure to wreak havoc on the environment, to say the least, which would put the world’s coffee harvest at risk. No intelligent being would take that chance.
So we can all relax, order another latte and get back to solving our Wordle puzzle for the day. The aliens aren’t here to start a war. They will be down at the local shopping centre disguised as humans buying coffee.
Galactic coffee smugglers are coming to Earth…
